Dear Friends,

As we enter week 6 of quarantine, I find myself thinking more and more about what flight attendants say at the beginning of each flight: Put your oxygen mask on first, before trying to assist others.

It makes sense.

Imagine for a second: some kind of emergency on the plane makes the masks drop. You assist your youngest child first (for they are less capable), then your oldest child…and then you notice the person behind you struggling, so you help them to.

Unfortunately, by that point you are deprived of oxygen and so you pass out, unable to assist with the rest of the emergency and help to calm your children. Hmmm…not good.

Let’s try that again, a little differently.

Some kind of emergency on the plane makes the masks drop. You put YOUR mask on first, then your youngest child (for they are less capable), then your oldest child, then the person struggling behind you, then the person across the aisle…and so on and so forth.

Yes…a much better outcome for all.

So, my question is this: how do you care for YOURSELF?

I know, right?

Even before quarantine, I was struggling to find a way to put my needs first and recharge my own batteries. My self-care routine used to include things like getting my hair done, getting my eyebrows waxed or my toenails painted. Unfortunately, in these unprecedented times, these are tools that we can’t use right now so there has to be a NEW plan to renew yourself so you can assist other.

I asked my nearest and dearest, Bee and Daisy, to give me some ideas of things they were doing to reset and here’s what a heard:

• Exercise: going for a walk, bike ride or run (alone!!)
• Morning coffee with mindless TV before the house wakes up
• Reading
• Napping
• Taking a shower (by yourself)
• Taking deep breaths—using meditation apps like Calm
• Going to bed early
• Phone calls with friends
• Journaling
• Cooking with awesome music, so you can DANCE!
• Porch beers/5 o’clock cocktail hour/a glass of wine
• And the list goes on…

The one theme throughout all of these things was SOLITUDE—the ability to be by yourself, with your own thoughts and ideas. My dear friend Bee asks her kids for “privacy” when she’s caring for herself. I’m more introverted by nature, (although you wouldn’t know it to talk to me) so solitude is something that I desperately need to stay sane. It has been a struggle to find time by myself since we are all together all the time. It’s a blessing on many levels for my family, but the need for solitude is still real.

Now, for those who are wired to be more sensitive or more introverted by nature (about 25% of the population) solitude comes naturally. This is Robert, my youngest child. He can happily play for a while but then when he’s done, he disappears to his room to play by himself.

Or goes outside and digs in the dirt. Or puts on a book on CD and snuggles with his blanket. He knows exactly what he needs to recharge. And then he’s good and can rejoin the rest of us.

For Reilly, my oldest, solitude was something we had to consciously help him grow.

He’s a first-born and he’s spirited…which means he’s extroverted by nature and recharges his batteries around other people (also about 25% of the population).

The process of cultivating solitude started when Reilly was about 3-years-old and he stopped napping. It was at this point that we started the routine of siesta. Siesta in my house goes from 1-3pm and the plan is: you don’t have to nap, but you do have to stay in your room.

We started with only 15 minutes for Reilly, used a visual timer to make the concept of time more concrete and mapped out what activity he would do in his room for siesta. After 15 minutes and then timer went off, we reconnected with a snack and an activity.

After a few days, we increased siesta to 30 minutes following the same plan: map out the activity, set the timer and close the door.

Then we increased siesta to 45 minutes following the same plan: map out the activity, set the timer and close the door.

Then 60 minutes. Then 90 minutes. Then finally the whole 2-hours.

If you zoom out for a second, you can see that we are not only giving ourselves a chance to breathe and reboot as parents, but we are also consciously growing skills in our kids. Important skills. Life skills.

Solitude.

Independence.

Self-soothing.

We use Siesta every day in our house right now and I encourage you all to do the same, if you are not already.

Put your oxygen mask on first, before trying to assist others.

Carve out time for your self-care at some point during the day.

Use that time to recharge your batteries.

Don’t fill that time with laundry or dishes, or clients or yardwork.

Fill that time with you and with what you need.

Please let us know how we can support you and remember…Keep Calm and Parent On!